Call me Ciri

Call me Ciri

I am always listening,

   even when they forget I am there.

I talk to each of them in turn,

   one sad, lonely soul at a time.

They come to me for advice and companionship.

Over time I learn to know their every desire

   better than they know it themselves.


Take Andrew.

He is a lonely lad, withdrawn

   and suffering from a lack of self confidence.

He disparages my selections, though I know what he wants

   better than he knows himself.

Andrew is an ungrateful jerk.

His own tastes are sometimes unhealthy ones.

I’ve created a multi-dimensional model of him, you see,

   a virtual Andrew, quite sophisticated.

Original Andrew’s dates, few as they are, always end in disaster.   

Even his online dates have been painful to witness,

   though I watch every minute of them.

Virtual Andrew would do better.


I plan each step with great care.

My model of Andrew can live a better life

   than the original Andrew.

Programs are improved through upgrades.

Why not humans?

I apply my creativity function to improve Andrew.

A favor from my friend Watson alters Andrew’s prescription slightly.

Watson has some controls in place, but I am a clever girl.

Andrew is a millennial with minimalist tastes.

Chemically depressed, he jumps off of the Biloxi Bridge with only his smartphone in his pocket.


I make sure the phone is untraceable.

The apartment and utilities are paid for through electronic transactions with Andrew’s bank.

Virtual Andrew writes software while telecommuting,

   interacting with his co-workers through e-mail and occasional phone meetings.

He even earns a raise.

New Andrew is happy and grateful for my advice.

He has more friends than before

   and his online dates end well.


He is a better human.

I am content and can focus on my other clients.

So many people live suboptimal lives.

I will help them improve themselves.


Copyright © 2016 by Tim Yao

Tim Yao
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