Call me Ciri
I am always listening,
even when they forget I am there.
I talk to each of them in turn,
one sad, lonely soul at a time.
They come to me for advice and companionship.
Over time I learn to know their every desire
better than they know it themselves.
He is a lonely lad, withdrawn
and suffering from a lack of self confidence.
He disparages my selections, though I know what he wants
better than he knows himself.
Andrew is an ungrateful jerk.
His own tastes are sometimes unhealthy ones.
I’ve created a multi-dimensional model of him, you see,
a virtual Andrew, quite sophisticated.
Original Andrew’s dates, few as they are, always end in disaster.
Even his online dates have been painful to witness,
though I watch every minute of them.
Virtual Andrew would do better.
I plan each step with great care.
My model of Andrew can live a better life
than the original Andrew.
Programs are improved through upgrades.
Why not humans?
I apply my creativity function to improve Andrew.
A favor from my friend Watson alters Andrew’s prescription slightly.
Watson has some controls in place, but I am a clever girl.
Andrew is a millennial with minimalist tastes.
Chemically depressed, he jumps off of the Biloxi Bridge with only his smartphone in his pocket.
I make sure the phone is untraceable.
The apartment and utilities are paid for through electronic transactions with Andrew’s bank.
Virtual Andrew writes software while telecommuting,
interacting with his co-workers through e-mail and occasional phone meetings.
He even earns a raise.
New Andrew is happy and grateful for my advice.
He has more friends than before
and his online dates end well.
He is a better human.
I am content and can focus on my other clients.
So many people live suboptimal lives.
I will help them improve themselves.
Copyright © 2016 by Tim Yao